Dear God,
It’s not your fault, but I’m angry. The reason is that I just can’t understand certain things. Some time after being born into this world, I just woke up one day and realized that I was here and I had no idea why. I couldn’t remember where I came from nor did I know where I’d be going after this.
I was raised up to believe that there was a hell and a heaven, of which I have no way of knowing for sure if they actually exist. But I really can’t honestly say that those places actually do exist — I have no evidence. Just believing something doesn’t make it so.
But talking about belief, I DO believe or at least I want to believe in something. But the problem is that the moral fiber that I am made up of, the way that I have been created, will not permit me to believe in something that is false — that’s the way you made me. I need at least a minimal amount of evidence that something is true before I can believe it. Unfortunately, there is very little to believe in. Didn’t Jesus say “be not deceived”, and “prove all things”? Now how can I believe something without being deceived if I can’t prove it? And to prove something you have to have substantial evidence.
Sorry to have to say this, something you already know, but this whole world that you created is pretty screwed up. And especially screwed up are the religions that people have created that are supposedly inspired by you (I’m sure they probably were in the beginning). However, they are all so different that there is no way that you could have possibly inspired them all, if any — at least the way they are today. According to the bible, you’re supposed to be eternally the same and never changing, so what’s up with the whole religion thing? It’s constantly changed throughout all of history and they are all different one from another. What’s more is the book that they claim that you inspired as your word is full of contradictions, inconsistencies and absurdities. I’ve been trying to believe, but unfortunately with the brain and the logic that you gave me, that is supposed to be created in your image, is not permitting me to use the blind faith that they want me to have. It just doesn’t work that way.
Over the years, I have read and been taught things that I really thought were the truth, only to discover later that these things were either not true at all or there was almost no evidence whatsoever to support these things. The bible for instance: there is not one original document actually written by Jesus or his disciples anywhere to be found. So how do I know what to believe?
How is it that they get away with re-writing every bit of that precious information, then re-writing it several times and then burning or hiding or whatever the originals. We can tell and prove that there has been so much changed from the original, so it’s hard to tell just how much of it is credible.
In a court of law if a man is caught telling a lie, his whole testimony is thrown out. None of it is worthy of belief. How could the bible be any different? It’s supposed to be a standard, but it’s not.
I don’t really care whether Judas hanged himself or if he fell headlong and spilled out his guts, sometimes historians get these little details wrong. But some of the most basic and important issues have been been changed, taken out and added to. This has caused innumerable contradictions, and inconsistencies exist to such a point that it is difficult, if not impossible to understand what is meant.
Christianity is supposed to be the only true religion in the world and has all the “proof” to back up this claim. The problem is that in reality there is absolutely NO proof whatsoever. The bible that is supposed to be the Word of God, containing the story of the most important man in the history of the world, Jesus… well, it’s really strange that in all of the world’s history (though I do believe in his existence) there is almost no credible information at all that he even existed! Go figure!
The Savior of the world was born with the Hebrew name Yashua which is Joshua in English, and in fact he was never called Emmanuel as was prophesied in the book of Matthew. His name had already been translated correctly 400 years before his birth and the name Yeshua is even correctly translated in the book of Acts as Joshua, but they have continued, knowingly using the same incorrect translation using the name “Jesus” instead of Joshua for hundreds of years!
Mary is supposed to have been a virgin when Jesus was born so that he could be God, but if she were a virgin Jesus couldn’t have been the Messiah — it could only be one or the other, not both. I don’t really understand why they keep on preaching that falsehood.
The Jewish Christians in the first century knew nothing of Jesus being born to a virgin, to them he was the son of Joseph. Even Paul knew nothing about it — there is nothing in his writings whatsoever nor is there anything written in the epistles of the disciples at all about Jesus being born to a virgin.
Paul said salvation is not by works. This directly contradicts what Jesus taught. Yet Christians only go by what Paul says, a man who never even met Jesus personally.
Most fundamentalst Christians insist that if you are not of the Christian religion you are going to hell, no matter how good you were or how many good works you’ve done, which means that the majority of humans that God created he will be sent to hell in unfathomable torment for eternity, without any chance of escape — and it’s just because they were born in a different culture and raised to believe in a different religion.
God is a god of Love and Jesus came to bring peace on earth, but the history of Christianity of the last nearly 2000 years has been filled with millions of murders, torture and persecution by Christians of innocent people just because those people believed differently than they did. That doesn’t seem to be what you were trying to teach them in the bible. So is Christianity actually what you meant it to be? I can’t in all sincerity believe you would really expect me to believe that.
In fact, the word “christ” never really meant messiah or “anointed one”. It was derived from “cristos”, a Pegan word that meant something like lord, but the Pegans used it to call on their god Zeus. Christ was never the last name of the Messiah. They pinned that on him to make him a god, or rather THE God. Furthermore, “Jesus” never was his first name anyway.
Having been created by you and instilled with the moral fiber, a logical mind and a desire to know the truth, I have a hard time calling myself Christian. In fact, I don’t feel I can any longer call myself a Christian if I don’t have sufficient proof of what is really the real truth. I can’t live against everything that was innately created in me.
How is it that they can get away with calling the bible the “infallible word of God”, when it is obviously no such thing? If you are really almighty and the source of all Truth why don’t you DO something? I can not in good conscience call myself Christian if this continues.
So, since I don’t believe in the Pegan god Zeus, I could never call Jesus by the name of Christ. So now how can I in all good conscience, call myself a “Christian”? And seeing all the horrors that were committed in the name of Christianity that Jesus himself would have never have condoned, much less teach, how can I call myself a Christian?
Sincerely,
Doug


Doug,
You have written the things that have been in my heart for a long time. Though I may not have studied and proven as much as you I believe a lot of the same things. I do believe there is Truth our there. I’m just not sure how much of it is left in the “Scriptures” anymore. I appreciate your honesty and sincerity. It is refreshing to me and probably to YHWH as well. For your sake and for the sake of all those searching for the Truth I pray that YHWH answers your questions, as well as mine. You make a good point. How can YHWH send people to “Hell” if they have never really had a chance to know him, but they have done many good works to help and love humanity. My personal conviction is that YHWH knows that hearts of all men. He knows whether or not they would serve him if given the chance. I pray that you will never lose hope in all your searching. Pray for me that I also will not lose hope. So many people in this world are deceived into believing that the modern form of “Christianity” is the true religion of God. In reality it has probably done more to push people away from YHWH then it has in drawing people to Him, but this is speculation. I have a question for you. I don’t really know where you are from, but I am looking for a group of like minded individuals who would be willing to seek the Truth together. We could all bring our evidences to the table, but as you say and as Yeshua said, “prove all things” before really accepting them. Would you be interested in starting this group with me? I want the truth more than anything in my life. I have been through a lot of struggles in my life for the sake of finding the Truth. I will admit that some of the struggles I have been through were because of my own sin and selfishness, but not all. I desire to have the passion for YHWH that I had as a naive young believer of God. I look forward to hearing your response.
Seeker,
Thanks for the great comment. I came into this life seeking and I have finally found so much truth. This modest web site is the whole reason for my existence. I am living in Texas. I would like to get together with like-minded individuals — at least to share ideas and things that we have all discovered.
Keep in Touch,
Doug